Fellowship
Mark E. Haskins
June 24, 2025
Today’s culture touts the merits of independence and self-reliance. “Brand yourself.” “Prove your worth.” “The only person you can count on is yourself”(see March 2025 blog).Such messages are positioned as keys to success. They, however, are often insidiously internalized as: “I’m on my own.” “I shouldn’t need anyone.” Stop! That is NOT true. And, oh by the way, who would ever want their epitaph to read: I did life all by myself?
For me, the journey into my seasoned years involved an awakening to the blessings of substantive fellowship. It was a rocky road, in part, because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Thankfully, the Lord brought me fellowship opportunities even though I was not looking for them. It is obvious to me now that we are created for fellowship. Perhaps for many of you, this is simply a reminder. Since we are created in God’s image (Genesis 1: 27), one of the special attributes of God, a model for us, is the intimate nature of the Trinity (2 Corinthians 13: 14; I John 4: 13-15).1 A desire for, and involvement in, fellowship is part of our God-given nature. He used two men to awaken in me a long-buried and unacknowledged desire for fellowship. I thank Him for those two. And I want to thank both of them, here and now. As you read my short recap of this awakening below, consider who you might want to similarly thank?
Lance and I met on the high school soccer sidelines, watching our sons. Our sideline conversations evolved from soccer to jobs to family to faith to Jesus. Relational building blocks were laid, one upon another, over the course of a soccer season. I found myself drawn to Lance’s gentleness, curiosity, vulnerability and missional love for the Lord. I became aware that those qualities resonated with my heart. We became special friends, sharing belly laughs, gut-wrenching tears, and everything in between. That was 25 years ago. We remain close even though he now lives across the country. Thank you Lord for Lance, who reminds me of your tender heart and your kingdom-focused passion that all would know You.
Then there’s Jeff. This may sound strange—he pursued me in a way that I had never experienced. He pursued me in a patient, persistent, kind, Godly way. He invited me to join a small group of Christian men he wanted to assemble. I declined. We still saw each other on occasion and several months later, he asked again. I declined again. At the time I thought joining the group was too big a commitment to make and it would, at best, probably only be minimally meaningful. Ever had similar thoughts? Another month passed and he asked again. Each time he was friendly, nonjudgmental, and he conveyed an invitation intended for me. . . not just any other man would fill that open, small-group slot. I finally agreed. That was about 20 years ago. Our five-guys group (the “Inklings”) still gathers. Oh, thank you Lord for pursuing me through Jeff. He modelled your heavenly pursuit and continues to model your love. Thank you, Jeff.
The fellowship I have been blessed with through Lance and Jeff involved a personal journey that helped me discard the lies associated with independence and self-reliance. What surfaced in that journey was twofold. First, a discovery of what most resonated with my heart regarding deep connection with another man centered on Jesus—vulnerability, honesty, caring, listening, and curiosity. What qualities in a friend most resonate with your heart for fellowship? That is an important question to consider. And second, the beauty of pursuit. How might that have been present in your life? A bonus also arose—the ensuing years of connection with Lance and Jeff led to an expanded fellowship circle.
Those in genuine fellowship share life—the painful, the joyous, the common, and the unexpected. They pray for and with one another. There are hugs, tears, aid, encouragement, and rejoicing. Deep fellowship is a safe place for asking vulnerable questions and admitting confusion or uncertainty. At different times, each one in a circle of fellowship can be teacher or learner. Indeed, we need many trusted advisers (Proverbs 11:14) not scorekeepers or judges.
An ongoing circle of fellowship is where we can also abandon any and all masks. There is no hierarchy. It is not an accountability group. We need not worry about acceptance or rejection. Over time, we each become known, warts and all. Such a reality provides a place of rest, a place of authenticity. We discover a bit more about God’s unconditional love and His absence of condemnation (Romans 8: 1). Holy and heavenly realities are manifested in earthly friendship. Our fellowship can also be a witness to others of God’s care and love (John 13: 35).
Long-standing, meaningful fellowship often leads to similar opportunities with others. I have met many wonderful men and women, with remarkable stories and beautiful journeys because of my connection with Lance and Jeff. Fellowshipping with these additional people, some on an ongoing basis, others just for a season, has enriched and expanded my understanding of the breadth and depth of God’s realm, acceptance, and family.
Authentic fellowship is where we most clearly and frequently see Jesus (Matthew 18: 20). We see Him at work in each other’s lives. That is the beauty of our interactions, the gold we find in conversation, and the treasure we most value when together. We certainly do not have all the theological answers to life’s questions, but we do know the answer is almost always, JESUS.
Let’s not fail to spend time with a handful of special friends our Heavenly Father has graciously brought into our lives for fellowship. For years I discounted that Biblical instruction (Hebrews 10: 25). Remember, I was pursuing independence and self-reliance—the solo mountain man. I was wrong. It is critical to connect with other “sojourners” (I Peter 1: 1). I am thankful for learning more about Godly fellowship from my fellow travelers—especially Lance and Jeff.
Fellowship is a hallmark of kingdom living and the manifestation of God’s love at work in this world. We don’t need a Sunday morning, or a Bible study group, or a book club to do that. What we do need is the realization that “going it alone” is not His way. We also need a willingness to slow down, share our unfolding life stories, and make fellowship a priority. True? Meaningful, ongoing, personalized fellowship is hugely important—it is a foretaste of heaven. We can ask the Lord to bring a “Jeff” or a “Lance” into our lives and the lives of those we love. We can also ask the Lord to show us to whom we can be a “Lance” or a “Jeff”. Indeed, “great events turn on…little hinges sometimes.”2 We can do these little things today in seeking deep and lasting fellowship.
1 See also the sweet portrayal of the Trinity in W. P. Young (2007), The Shack (Windblown Media, Newbury Park, CA).
2 S. Herndon, (1902), Days on the Road: Crossing the Plains in 1865, (no publisher noted in the book I have), p. 36.
NOTE: Campfire picture used with permission here.
